** Thanks to everyone who contributed their CDS ideas below. The story and your names are in My Life & Other Massive Mistakes in book stores 2 March or you can pre-order here: https://www.tristanbancks.com/p/store.html
I’m writing a new short story for the third My Life book and I want kids everywhere to help me write it. Leave a comment below with your idea for the story and, if your idea makes it in, I’ll thank you in the back of the book.
It’s a story about a debilitating disease that fathers have suffered from for centuries, but most have suffered in silence. It’s called CDS – Cranky Dad Syndrome.
Jack’s dad suffers from a particularly bad case of it. He’s been going to anger management classes and he thinks he’s doing pretty well. So, one Saturday morning, Jack and Tom are a bit bored and they decide to give him a little exam, just to test how well he can cope under pressure.
My question to you is… What would you do to wind your father up and make him angry in a test like this? Here’s a brainstorm from yesterday’s session at St Paul’s Grammar School…
Leave your idea below as a blog comment (Click ‘Post a Comment’), include your first name and, if I include your idea, your name will be in the book (out April 2015)!
Cassandra – Tear his money
Break a mirrorCeren
Climb on him / sit on his head – Melih
Destroy his one million dollar car – Ershad
Vomit pills – Mohammad
Wake up, pie in face – Donia
Taking jewellery – Elif
try to get him fired from his jobAlim
Auburn West Kids
trash dads TV
smash dads new phone
squeeze super glue onto dads hand when he is sleeping tickle his face with a feather so he glues his hand to his face
destroy his prperty
put animals in his bed when he is asleep
hack into his bank account and spend his money
Put something in his food/drinks
Stop the car from working
injur dad in a funny way
turn off the electricity when he is watching his favourite show
give him the wrong date or a wedding or party.
Tell dad it is a fancy dress party when everyone else is in formal clothes
Shave dads head when he is sleeping
Put hair dye in his shampoo
change the colour of the ppol water or fil it with an animals (sharks, turtle, puranas)
using a permanent marker draw a moustache on his face
Wrap dads car up in glad wrap or sticky tape so he cant open it.
replace eye drops with lemon juice
Woollahra P.S.
Paint on newly clean car – Mitchell
Water on new laptop – Alisha
Accidentally switch channels when a try is about to be scored – Sage
Replace remote control batteries with sausages – Angus
Replace sugar with salt – Scarlett
Put hairy spiders in Dad's shoes – Jonah
Unplug all computers and TV -Yin
Spend all dad's money on sugar -Ryan
Put worms in spaghetti and serve it as breakfast in bed – Paco
Super-hard password on dad's phone – Mumit
Break window with b'ball – Sophie
Share dad's secrets with enemy – Yana
keep asking him obvious question~Shruti
replace his hair gel bottle with super glue~Shruti
Give him poop sausages
-Ally
Annoy him bye saying who are u-Mariam MALAS
Put salt in his coffee-MALACK malas
Give dad the wrong medicine-Mariam MALAS
Turn off the airconditioning when it his 100 degrees-Mariam MALAS
Dad's elegic to fish when he is sleeping put fish in his mouth -MALACK MALAS
Hack his kik account and say to his girlfriend that I hate u-MALACK MALAS
Take a pitcher of him sleeping with underwear and show it to the whole school-Mariam MALAS
Put popcorn up his nose when he is sleeping-Mariam MALAS
When dad is sleeping put ear plugs in his ear so he doesn't hear his phone when it's ringing-MALACK MALAS
Brake his new I phone 5c-MALACK MALAS
Put hair dye in his gel-Mariam MALAS
When dad is having a shower put it on cold without dad even noticing-Mariam MALAS
Steel all dad's money which is a million dollars and bye lollies and toys with that million dollars-MALACK MALAS
Put dad's boughaddi on fire-MALACK MALAS
Lock dad out side-Mariam MALAS
Draw a Mona-brown with permanent marker on his face-MALACK MALAS
Lock dad in car-Mariam MALAS
Paint his nails pink-MALACK MALAS
Take a photo of him in a weeding dress and post it online for people to laugh at-Mariam MALAS
Put a cockroach on dad's face when he is sleeping-MALACK MALAS
Put worms in dad's spaghetti when he isn't looking-Mariam MALAS
Paint chicken pox in dad when he is sleeping-MALACK MALAS
Teleport dad to the ocean/desert-Mariam MALAS
Put ice in his ears-MALACK MALAS
Hack his Instagram account-Mariam MALAS
Sticky tape dad all over so he can't move or talk-MALACK MALAS
Put baby powder in dad's hair dryer-Mariam MALAS
Put blueberry on his tooth brush so his teeth stay blue for 1 week-MALACK MALAS
Brake dad's new golden watch when it is 1000 dollars-Mariam MALAS
Break his new 3D T.V-MALACK MALAS
Sail dad out to sea when he is sleeping-Mariam MALAS
On Father's Day purchase dad girl clothes-MALACK MALAS
Get dad big swimming pants so when he jumps in the pool his pants come off-Mariam MALAS
Replace his shampoo with vomite-MALACK MALAS
Vomite all over dad's sandwich /put shampoo instead of Nutella -Mariam MALAS
Fire dad from his favourite new job-MALACK MALAS
Put a super hard password on his laptop-Mariam MALAS
Put cockroaches/or red back spider in dad's shoes/in dad's t-shirt-MALACK MALAS
Rip dad's one million dollar T-shirt and pants-Mariam MALAS
Instead of sausages in the bread replace it with batteries-Mariam MALAS and MALACK MALAS
Lachlan-Accidently burn his paperwork because you glued it to the baking tray.
Continuously say 'why' when the answer is seriously obvious – Charlotte
Set his alarm for 4:30am on Saturday morning – Charlotte
Sit and put your feet on the table and 'eat like a cow' during dinner – Charlotte
Put dad's shoe in the mud — Anjali Sangem
Tell Dad jokes stink – Nate
Don't eat dinner – Olivia
Break the TV (accidentally) – Amelia
Punch hole in wall – Kieran
Steal his beer – Lucy
Make him watch Twilight – Quinn
Tell him you like Uncle … better than him -Lucy
Wake him at 2am – Xander
Draw on the wall – Kanayla
Don't eat dinner and when they say you can stay up all night until it's eaten, actually stay up all night – Ivy
Salt in coffee, not sugar – Eliza
Make lots of noise after bedtime – Kaleigh
Umina P.S.
Break all vases in house – Lily
Screws and nails on floor – Calum
Blindfold him and make him pick up dog poo with no gloves – Issy
Place a dog poo beside his bed in the middle of the night – Archie
Switch fresh milk for rotten milk and pour it on his cereal – Chloe
Hang his dirty undies around house as ornaments when VIPs are coming for dinner – Sofia
When asleeep place a bar of soap in his mouth – Aidan
Slip a dog poo into the glass of water beside his bed – Davara
Paint everything pink – Jordan
Make him play flappy bird
These are all my ideas- Stacey
1. Follow them everywhere.
2. When they say your name, moo loudly like a cow.
3. If you have a dog, follow the dog around on all-fours and say "Bark." over and over again really loudly.
4. Talk to a pen constantly.
5. When your friends come over, pretend to be talking in code and have your friend say 'Your-a pa smells-a like a woman-a." If they crack the code, play stupid.
6. Have a dozen of imaginary friends that you ask their opinion of everything.
7. After you have your bath, wrap a bath towel around you and then walk outside of the bathroom. When your parents ask you what you're doing, say "Wearing clothes is against my religion."
8. Run into walls.
9. Cover yourself with a white blanket and try to walk around the house without tripping or running into something. Look at the ground and whenever you see your parents' feet, yell "BOO!"
10. Randomly pluck someone's hair out and scream, "DNA!!!!!!!!" as loud as you can.
11. Every 30 seconds, yell "I gotta go to the bathroom!!!" then stay in the bathroom for an hour and a half, grunting your ABC's.
12. In the grocery store, try to stick as many melons down your pants as possible then start dancing.
13. Stick cherries on your nose and start dancing around like a clown.
14. Flush the toilet while they're in the shower.
15. Wear a sticker that says "I'm a retard!"
16. Eat your hair. (I've tried it. It works.)
17. When you shower or bath, yell "HELP! I'M DROWNING!!!!!!!!!!"
18. Snort loudly when you laugh and laugh harder.
19. Go into their room at 1 in the morning and yell "GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!"
20. Try to climb the wall.
21. Say everything backwards.
22. In public yell "NO MOM I WILL NOT MAKE OUT WITH YOU!!"
23. At everything they say scream "LIAR!!!!!"
24. Fill up the bath then drain it and repeat 5 times. When you fill it up the 6th time, try to get in it then yell "MOM! DAD! THE WATER IS COLD!!"
25. Try to swim in the floor.
26. Pretend to be a phone.
27. Wear a T-shirt pointing to one of your parents that says "I'm with stupid."
28. In a supermarket, point at everything you see and scream "I WANT THAT! CAN I HAVE IT?"
29. Switch the light button on and off for a few minutes then say "Oooohhhh… I get it!"
30. Tap on their door all night.
31. Throw a tantrum in the middle of the supermarket, sit cross-legged and cross your arms in the middle of the aisle until your parents let you buy what you want to have.
32. After everything they say, respond "Yeah, but no, but yeah, but no"
33. Claim you have been abducted by aliens before and tell all their friends.
34. When they ask you to call someone, stay where you are and yell their name.
35. Destroy the house and then go tell them, "I love you Mommy/Daddy"
36. Cling to them constantly and blame it on "separation anxiety".
37. If they ever take you to their job, touch EVERYTHING and spin on their desk chair.
38. Knock over every container of liquid you see "accidentally".
39. Do the opposite of what they tell you.
40. Bring home the absolutely opposite type of guy/girl they'd want you to see. Like a drop out or a goth or something. Tell them he/she's you new boyfriend/girlfriend.
41.Yell out mango everywhere you go
Say, 'I can't clean up my room because I'm doing a science experiment on the effect of excessive dust and mould on the human body.'
Hi Tristan.
Here is my idea.-Jackson: Umina P.S
Put ice bricks down his shirt.
You guys are too much. I LOVE how many ideas you're laying on me here. I'm not even going to have to write this book. I'm just going to copy and paste your responses into an email and send them to Random House. Will let you know when I need the next book written. Meanwhile, keep the CDS ideas coming for the sequel. Giddap.
Shake a can of beer and give it to Dad in the afternoon when he is tired after work. The beer sprays all over his face and his nice clean work shirt.
Tristan
right when its the most dramatic part of his favourite show, walk in front of the t.v. and turn it off.Then say i have something really important/cool to show you,when your doing the really "cool" thing, like a cart wheel (it might work better if you fail) start "accidentally" falling and kicking everything the slightest bit fragile till it brakes, then when you've broken or spilled everything possible in that room say oops i go practice a bit more…
or something like that
wait..wait… i have another one
leave a nailscrew under his carbike wheel so it puts aa hole in his tire >:)
P.S. HI
Hi Tristan,
I've got something that I told you when you were signing my book.
Soak his underpants in meat
Whenever he asks you a question say no
Never listen to him
Throw his washed clothes around the room
Keep playing when he tells you to study or sleep
Keep screaming and saying that there's a Huntsman in your room
Hi, my name is Beth, & I'd like to give you an idea for your new book. So, if Jack's dad was an architect (like mine,) and he had these great big, expensive, architect designed, glass and timber, sliding doors that he loves (also like mine). But there was a problem, they were placed in the worst spot in Jacks house,-right next to the only place that you could ride a skateboard in Jacks entire backyard. Jacks dad was always telling Jack not to ride his skateboard there incase it flicked out when Jack was doing one of his tricks. Jack thought that if he could manage to flick it up right when his dad was watching, he could pull off the best test ever. So he waited for the perfect moment and right when his dad was about to tell him to stop he flung the board and smashed strait threw the window making the glass shader all threw-out their house.
Right when Jack thought his Dad couldn't get more cross Jack says "Look at the bright side Dad its only going to cost a whole months worth of work for you and Mum working together, to pay to fix it!"
New Town High, Tas
Lead him into heavy traffic – Josh
Glue toy cars to him – Graidy
Turn off football – James
Weld his shifters together – Jack
Play One Direction as loud as you can – Sam
Break the lawnmower – Felix
Sauce on him when asleep, then newspaper – Mitchell
Take his plug lead off Falcon – Tyler
Break his bbq – Bradley
Strap him to a chair and rip out his chest hairs – Casey
Ask him to read you Twilight as a bedtime story – Hamish
Block the toilet with pieces of toilet paper with your name written all over them.
wake him up with cold water to the face.
enter his room while he is sleeping and throw a jar of mosquitoes on his head then GET OUT.
hide all his precious stuff.
lie to him about him getting fired.
say your going to the beach but actually go to the sewer and get a load of sewage in a bucket (remember to bring a gas-mask) and hide the bucket somewhere in his room.
destroy the garden.
replace his private lemon juice with pee.
-Milo
replace his pills with blood capsules-Milo
come home with the worst report ever-Milo
Salt in coffee – Rosie
Fight with sister or bro – Jack
Vinegar in medicine – Mackenzie
Use or smash his fave cup- Hayley
Take remote during fave show – Alicia
Smash the car – Zackari
Smash a window – Lewis
Break the microwave – Sharpelle
Steal TV during football – Harry
'Borrow' money without asking – Kendylle
I really enjoyed your visit this morning at Oatlands. Courtney.
CDS take his phone- Alicia
1. wake him up super early
2. repeatitevly ask him the same question
3. make a big mess, leave clothes all over the floor, leave food everywhere.
4. don't bath for a long time and be really dirty
5. flick him lots
6. make his coffee really hot
7. take ages in the bathroom in the morning
8. dry your clothes in the oven/microwave
9. freeze the milk in the feezer
10. put whoopy cusion on his chair
11. empty the garbage in the garden
12. defleat his car tires
-Remove spark plugs from car.
-Slightly bend all gold clubs so they aren't the correct clubs.
-Eat all of the muffins.
climb on car -William
Picnic outside – lock him out – william
On roof, drop paint on head – Alex
Break window while playing cricket – Hamish
Oven catch on fire – Tahlia
replace sugar with salt – – Amanda
Hide Tv remote – Jack
Spill coffee on shirt b4 work – Jordan
Start dating boys – Jacey
Party -Breyer
Blow up v. expensive car – Samuel
Super glue all of the toilet seat in the house so they're down.
– Put a potato in his car muffler
– wake him up by slapping him with a maths book
– change the sauce in his favourite sauce to extreme hot wasabi
– put sugar in his cars fuel tank
– turn the hot water off when he's in the shower
– change the code for his phone
– hide his keys
– poke him and run away and repeat a couple minutes later
– change the password for his laptop
– stick ice down his shirt
– stick chilli in his coffee
Khyl D.
Put GladWrap on the toilet seat.
Get a coin and blacken the edges with a pencil and then ask him to roll it down the centre of his face (you'll then see a black line down his face)
-Charlotte
Make him listen to One Direction – Will
HIT HIM – CHLOE
BLOW A TRUMPET IN HIS EAR – JORDAN
DROP SOMETHING ON TOE – LIRON
IMPOSSIBLE PUZZLE – HOLLY
HIDE HIS CAR KEYS – AYAN AND ELLIOT
BREAK HIS MOWER – OLIVER
SLIME HIM – REBECCA
GLUE THE GRASS – STICK HIM – JARN
FORCE HIM TO KNIT FOR 10 HRS – KYLE
LOCK HIM IN THE TOILET – DANNY
GET HIM TO PLAY SPLASHY FISH – FYNNLAY
put a bucket of slime on the door so when he walks through SPLAT-Shayla G
find his money stash and take it!
do nothing he asks
SEND FAKE CHEQUE FOR A FORTUNE – RYAN
LET DOWN TYRES BEFORE AN IMP MEETING – HUX
BATTERIES OUT OF REMOTE BEFORE FOOTY – DOMINIC
TRAPS SET EVERYWHERE – TEHYA
SEND FAKE BILL $2000 – BAILEY
PUSH DAD INTO A STREAM – LUCA
HIDE HIS UNDIES – KOHL
SIT IN FRONT OF TV WHILE FOOTY ON – GEORGIA
REPLACE SUGAR WITH SALT -JAMES
SLEEP IN YARD – COVER IN HONEY – RYAN
Hey Tristan
Really enjoyed seeing you at Sumerset Literature today. Really got inspired to write my own books. Here are some ideas:
Fill his car with maple syrup
Shave his 12 year old beard off
Slap him with a piece of steak
Scream while he is watching the footy
Spill his beer on $100 dollar bill
Replace his hair regrower with hair remover
Spit on his face
Take his 1 million dollar car for a spin (crash)
Make him play Flappy Bird
Replace his mail with 100 bills
Put his iPhone in the dishwasher or freezer
-Emma(girl with broken arm you saw today)
Shred newspaper in the Insinkerator – Lucas
Wake him up at 2am telling him he's late for work – Gabriel and Lucas
Tip bin upside down and scatter around house – Lachlan
Fake lottery ticket win – Leo
Put cream in hand while sleeping – Henry
Replace beer with water (or wee) – Nicholas
Ignore everything he says – Angus
Snap antenna when he's watching TV – Jack
Clog up toilets and throw dog poo at him – James
Replace sugar with salt – Mat
Disconnect phone so he can't order pizza while mum's away – Paul
Destroy his work documents that were worth thousands of dollars.
Flush his phone down the toilet.
Blow the house up.
Say super annoying rhymes about him.
Make annoying sounds.
Shave half his moustache so he has to shave his other half off himself. – James Murchie
Zach.O
1. Refer to him as Mum/Grandma
2. Hide TV Remote
3. Change room furniture positions every time he leaves the room.
4. Pretend to be helpful when really all you do is mess-up and create more havoc.
5. Invent secret language that he doesn't understand.
6. Tell him that his least favourite relative is coming over to stay the night so he freaks out, cleans the whole house and then brake it to him once the house is spotless, that you meant they were coming in 2 weeks.
7. Tell him that they signed him up for The Mens Free Fitness Centre, but when he turns up there it turns out it is really the Pensioners Water Fitness Class.
8. Tell him: "Oh Dad, Oh a few days ago Mum told me that she wanted me to tell you Yesterday that she wanted to meet you at the airport at 3:00 Yesterday for a special Holiday trip." Give him a late message for something essential which has already passed.
9. Tell him that you dropped an ancient generation artefact that has been in their family for generations and was given to him on his wedding day. (Fib)
10. Follow him to work and make him really embarrassed.
Sup Tristan,
Enjoyed your talk at XC Burke Hall 2day.
I am that 6 foot kid who did the photo with you.
Here are my other ideas.
Diss his favourite sport if it is different from yours.
On a photo of his draw a moustacheput vampire fangs on him.
Colour in the circles in letters on his newspaper.
Get his toolbox and spread the tools across the house.
Turn of his alarm and start singing opera as loud and high as you can when his alarm should go off.
I will send more when I think of them.
C ya
Mat O'Connor
Xavier College
Zach.O
Refer to him as Mum/Grandma
P.S.
Thanks Tristan for coming to our school, i have 4 of your books and really enjoyed hearing from you.
Hide his wallet and his phone before he goes to work
Repeat a word over and over and over again in different voices – Jacob
Paint house walls bright yellow – Eliana
Marbles on floor where he gets out of bed – Kyle
Ignore what they want you to do. 'In a minute' – Brody
Hide his beer – Carly
Heat up the house, close windows on hot day – Mason
smack cam – alec
Walk in front of TV – Brandon
Stare at him – Mads
Speak in acronyms. Only say first letter of every word – Kashalyn
Dad hates salt n vinegar chips. Make him eat some – Alexander
Tip bins all over backyard – Mia
Tip garbage all over new car – Sam
Bring the chickens inside – Taj
Slime all over the inside of the car – Emily
Bring the warring dog and cats inside – Makhayla
Set alarm for 2am. And 3am. And 4am. And 5am. – Kade
Paint the carpet and set the dog loose inside – Ravelle
Let the chickens poo in his bed – Tia
Bugs in his bed – Annabelle
Set a slime trap for when he gets home from a hard day – Patrick
Fight with bro or sis – Maggie
flood the bathroom
let the dog poo in the house
change all the clocks in the house and turn the time to 10 in the morning at 2.00
Put super glue on dad's hat – Jumaimah elarja
Put whip cream on dad's hand and tickle his face so he when scratches his face the whip cream will be everywhere -Mariam malas
Put ice on him while he is in the shower-Jumaimah elarja
Lock a dog in dad's room so it can do number 2 in dad's bed-Mariam Malas
Change dad's work alarm to 12:00 in the morning- Jumaimah elarja
Collect Mosquitos in dad's blanket – Mariam Malas
Mariam malas Malack malas Jumaimah arja
Replace his clothes with girl clothes
Cut dad's hair bold as an egg and make him wear extensions
Wax dad's hands
Cut the end of dad's socks so his toes stick out
When dad's sleeping put him make up and show it on Facebook
Replace dad's phone with another persons phone
Lock dad in the toilet with the light off
Get dad's best clothes and burn it with an iron
Put fake nails on dad's nails
Get dad's burger and dip it in juice
Get dad medicine and replace it with juice
imitate him, and ……………. poke him. really really hard.
hide the tv remote.
Continuously sing a song he hates or just continuously make stupid noises.
When he lectures you when he's finished ask ever had a breathe mint.
When he is driving you anywhere constantly ask where are we going or are we there yet.
Copy every movement and word he says
Backchat him
Get his phone and tease him with it
Steal the remote
Copy everything he says
Put jam on his pillow
Set his alarm to1:00
Spend his money
Get a rid of his games
Lydia Delete every phone number on dads phone
grab his paperwork and run as fast as you can!
use his credit card to buy minecraft
Staple dad to bed the turn his whole room up-side down by glueing his bed and other things like bed side table and lamp to the roof. 😉
Glue all his books together (pages included).
Steal the car keys and hide them under your bed.
Alexis said: Toilet paper his room! Give him oreos… With toothpaste in the middle. Actually, that's just mean. Also, how about using chalk over the walls of your house? Stealing his shaving cream. Get his favourite sweater and buy a few sizes smaller… Someone's grown fat. Unplug the TV, cut the wire! Buy mum a getaway ticket for three weeks… So dad has to cook, clean and work. Instead of sunscreen, use glue. I'm sure he'll be stickin' to the sun! That's all for now. By the way, I'm the girl from the writer's festival! You know, you signed my library copy. I hope I don't sound like that girl who always kisses you… Was her name Stella? Anyway, bye!